A Wise Man once said something like, “If you don’t like the weather in New England, wait five minutes.” That phrase was probably coined by none other than Confucius, or Tom Brady, or maybe, Honest Abe himself. Who knows? The paradigm about New England’s weather has proven to be true over and over again, especially this winter. The most heinous example of this phenomenon just occurred over Presidents Weekend. Unbelievably cold, frostbite-inducing conditions, were immediately followed by an aggressive temperature spike. Then to add one more kick in the family jewels…the dreaded “R” word. Yes, Rain, the absolute worst word in the English language. Just a normal eighty-degree temperature swing over a forty-eight hour period, NO BIG DEAL !
Despite the rain bumming out skiers and snowboarders—you lovers of winter still win. Let us explain. We’ve decided to extend our Obscure Presidents Day Sale! Read below for obscure details.
Here at Zimmermanns we like to pay homage to some of the more obscure Presidents from America’s illustrious past. We still hold a place in our hearts for those Presidents that didn’t make it onto our currency or weren’t carved into large rocks in South Dakota. The forgotten Commander In Chiefs, like Marty Van Buren, Millard (Milly to his friends) Fillmore, Chester A. Arthur, and, last but certainly not least, Patches O’Hoolihan.
So here we go:
We’re dropping prices like Harry Truman dropped bombs. Our deals are cooler than Calvin Coolidge. The savings are as big and robust as William Taft. Come into Zimmermanns Skis, Boards & More, replace your “old hickory” skis with a new pair, and you’ll be running Watergates better than ever. Read my lips, our deals “Truly” won’t put you into another depression. Don’t trot on down here like Ulysses S. Grant, who once got a $20 speeding ticket while riding a horse. You should RUSHmore in for savings today before the deals are gone. Don’t blow it like Lewinsky, get in here today and you’ll be saying “mission accomplished !”
Additionally, in the spirit of this election year upon us, we’d also like to pay our respects to some of the more esteemed Presidential candidates. Ironically, given the cast of characters running for President, it’s safe to say our country could be going to be going downhill faster than a freshly waxed pair of skis.
Be the first in the nation to take advantage of these deals and shop at Zimmermanns this Monday. In fact Cruz on down. You don’t need to be a brain surgeon to know that our ski wall is “HUUUGE”, and you won’t need a small loan from your father to get your hands on the best winter gear available. These deals are no longer classified and will be Ben-GONE-zied faster than you can say Hewlett Packard. Lastly our selection of coats, gloves, hats, helmets and facemasks is so impressive and warm, you just might feel the Bern. Just inKasich you think you’ll forget, Marco it on your calendar.